Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Rumour Mill: Koivu to be Shot Into Space

montreal - Reports are coming in that Saku Koivu, the Montreal Canadiens long beloved captain, will be shot into space July 19th.

"Its part of a controversial treatment," team Mad Scientist Jaques Squatt said. "While in space, and without the tyranny of gravity, Mr Koivu's spine will be elongated 10 inches, and shoulders expanded 3 inches on each side. Upon his return to earth, a rich diet of St Hubert's chicken gravy should fill out his new frame."

When asked why Mr Koivu would subject himself to such a radical treatment, it was Mrs Koivu who answered: "Saku recognises the teams need for a Big First Line Center, and as always, is willing to sacrifice his health, his life, his family, his sanity, intergalactic alien bacteria, anything for his team."

"Saks has always been our leader," Mike Komisarek said from the Canadiens dressing room (apparently he lost his keys after game 4 and is still trying to locate them.) "He's a big part of our team and a big part of our dressing room, and even if he returns a mutated freak, he'll have his heart and soul on the ice."

When it was pointed out that Koivu will be an unrestricted free agent July 1st, Jaques Squatt said, "Yes, there is a chance he might not sign. But there is also a chance he will burn up upon re-entry. Lets not put the cart before the horse."

in the off season i have nothing to write about - so i thought i'd add to the ridiculous rumour mill surrounding the canadiens. i hope you enjoy.

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