Monday, April 13, 2009

Habs Centennial Regular Season - RIP

The regular season is over, and what better way to immortalize the most passionate and melodramatic team in hockey history than with a Centenial filled with enough stories to fill a university library.

Instead of a triumphant winning season, of course.

I knew the team would not get first place again, but I didn't realise they'd sacrifice hockey for off-ice theatrics. But I should have: because if there is one thing this team is known for, if only not for its passed success, its the Show.

2008 itself was relatively quiet; we win a lot of games, but not in any serious convincing style. Then the injuries hit: Komisarek, Higgins and Price all go down early -- then Tanguay and Lang get knocked out... we start to see players not performing their best (Kovalev and Pleks not scoring... Missing Mark Streit...) The tower was about to topple just before the All-Star Break...

Then of course there is this Massive celebration as the hockey world comes to celebrate everything awesome and Montreal and Canadiens, and our biggest superstar plays an amazing game... A ginormous hockey orgasm in the town where hockey is born...

And as the confetti and empty cups and cigarette butts get swept up and tossed in the trash, so goes the Montreal Canadiens 2008/2009 hockey team.

Oh My God! We are getting murdered out West; the goalies are broken! Same thing that ruined Theodore's career here...

Oh My God! We desperately need Help! Boone yelling "Doo Something"!!

Oh My God! We lose Begin and get some guy named Metropolit...

Hooray? Mathieu Schneider joins the team! PP solved! defensive woes not so much...

Oh My God! Kovalev gets BENCHED!

Oh My God! The Kostitsyns are hanging with gangsters and crack-heads and whores!

Oh My F*** God!! Carbonneau is fired?

Hooray? Halak is playing awesome, maybe we have a chance...

Oh My God! Halak got the flu! Price has to play again...

Hooray? Tanguay is back, and we're scoring goals!

Oh My God! What if the coach can't speak French?

Hooray? Price is playing alright, looks like he's found his form...

Oh My God! Price got the flu! Halak is back in...

Oh My God! We can't beat any team in playoff contention!

Oh My God! Our top 2 defencemen got injured for the SEASON & PLAYOFFS?

Oh My God! We are gonna lose our playoff spot!

Hooray? Schneider is gonna be a hero and play?

Oh My GOD... we actually made the playoffs despite losing every game this week.

Man, that was exhausting just typing it.

In short, this year has been the most emo, melodramatic high-school musical panic fest in recent memory. So the 100th season has certianly been memorable, and representitive of this franchise. We just need a riot to shut down the city for a while, and we'd be all set!

As for the hockey, if we must talk about that... the nature of the team changed from young and hard work, to old and talented (Lang scored timely goals to win, how nice!). Then the talent got hurt, and no one stepped up. The young talent had no one to turn to for guidence; last year's leader (Kovalev) was nowhere to be seen, and Koivu went quiet. The 3rd /4th liners tried to inspire the team, but goals are what talk, not just a strong forecheck.

Everytime this team was "tested" to come up with a big team game in a game that really mattered, 2 or 3 guys would play, the rest would spin around like table-hockey players, or tethered racoons too scared to gnaw their own leg off.

Not once in 2009 has this team put in a solid 60 minute effort, scored timely goals, stopped game breaking shots, or done what's necessary to win hard games. It has been a really frustrating team to watch; because the fans know this team can do better, but it seems like they simply refused to -- or the centennial poop has distracted them to their core.

The Leafs were supposed to suck -- the Sens were a surprise -- this team should have been able to hold on to 4th or 5th place. Thank goodness this season is over.

Except, isn't, technically, next year the centennial? 1909/1910 ?

1 comment:

  1. As I was reading your post, I thought to myself that if this season represents everything that the Canadiens have been over the past 100 years, then we are certainly in for a great playoff run and one heck of a hellacious riot to cap it all off!

    Nice recap of the year!