Thursday, April 23, 2009

Obituary: Montreal Canadiens

The oldest and most decorated of the professional hockey franchises passed away last night. The Montreal Canadiens were in their 100th year. Doctors report he died from heart failure.

The Montreal Canadiens had an up-and-down start to their life, at times winning gallantly, and at other times failing terribly, like so many of the other hockey franchises. It wasn't until their 50th year that they really fell into their own and began to dominate the league, with 6 championships. The trend continued into the 60s with another 4, and the 1970s: where the hockey team, and indeed the town, was on top of the world; another 6 championships.

The hockey world then began to change; expand, and spread. Montreal Canadiens would enjoy only 1 championship in each of the next 2 decades, and one extra apperance in the finals -- but as the franchise held on to its glorious past, the rest of the league moved on. No longer did Montreal have the best pick of French players; a fresh vein of talent emerged over-seas, and no longer could they hold on to their aging talent, as new franchises threw money at the foundations which made the Canadiens great; luring them away. Most left to build new Empires.

The Montreal Canadiens truly declined in his 90s, suffering interntal termoil, unable to afford the help he needed, and unwilling to admit that his old ways would not still win the day.

In his 99th year, Montreal Canadiens showed that he still had some old magic left; and managed to capture the Eastern Conference title one last time, although the tired franchise could not last long in the playoffs.

For his 100th year, he began training for a marathon; to capture his 25th Stanley Cup. Few thought he could actually acheive the goal, but he showed signs early. Unfortunately a pre-marathon celebration was too costly on the old fella, and he was never the same after. Injury, scandal, all took their toll. And although he did manage to start the marathon he so hoped to win, he limped off the start line, struggled a few paces, and then fell dead on the pavement -- a spent and drained shell of what once was the greatest of them all.

Thanks for an amazing 100 years, Montreal Canadiens.... may flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.

Montreal Canadiens is survived by younger brothers Boston Bruins, Chicago Blackhawks, Detroit Redwings, New York Rangers, and apparently Toronto Maple Leafs (although no one has heard from them in years), cousins Flyer, Islanders, Canucks, Kings, Penguins, Blues, and Capitals - great-grand-nefew the Ottawa Senators, Whalers, Nordiques, Jets and Stars -- and a host of young upstarts.


  1. Fleets of angles? Did you mean flights of angels?

  2. Shakespeare is such a tyrant ;)

    I like my version better. Fleets of angles. Algebra, man...